Honesty and integrity are qualities that I hold in high regard.
Nevertheless, I cannot avoid using a white lie every now and then. After all, the truth can sometimes come across as rather rude or hurtful. And sometimes you can just make someone happy with such an innocent lie.
The question remains whether ‘innocent’ is an appropriate adjective for ‘lie’, even if you replace it with ‘white’.
If a friend asks you what you think of her new blouse, you like it, period. Even if that is not true. In such cases I think of a compliment that I can give without having to lie. First, I make an approving sound, which does not literally mean ‘oh, how I love that blouse’, but which is rather a confirmation of her joy about her new purchase. Then I say, for example, that the colour suits her, or that it goes well with the trousers she is wearing. In any case, I confirm her enthusiasm, without having to be dishonest.
But when she smells trouble and wants to know again emphatically what I think of her new blouse, I decide whether I can honestly say that I don’t like it – which of course she does not have to worry about, after all it is only a matter of personal taste – or I ‘lie’ to please her that I do like it and then immediately change the subject.
It becomes more difficult when someone wants to know what I think of her new shoes with high heels. I find them to be horrible by definition, and I don’t understand why women torture themselves in this way and make themselves unnecessarily vulnerable. Just try to get away quickly from a dangerous situation, in high heels. And yes, really, that is a realistic scenario for most women.
If I can’t think of a compliment at all and she is waiting expectantly for my reaction, I may still give an ashamed (non-sincere) compliment. But if I think she can handle it, I honestly say that I strongly dislike shoes with high heels. And that that’s my personal taste and so she doesn’t have to worry about it.
Back when I had a web shop for almost ten years, in which I offered products that I designed and made myself, I also often used a white lie. When a customer placed an order, I usually wrote in my confirmation email that I had a number of customers before her, and that it would therefore take about a week until her order would be ready. In reality, such an order, including the photographing and the administration, took me at most two days. If I did indeed have other orders, it could take three or four days. In any case, the customer was always very happy that her order was ready so much earlier than I had promised, and I was glad I hadn’t had to rush.
A win-win situation, but, I admit: not entirely honest.
I’m not suited for the business world anyway, because to become successful in it you have to be dishonest more often.
Then there are young parents who proudly show you their little baby. I usually find those mini-people very beautiful and extremely cute, but sometimes mainly ‘very sweet’. Whereby very sweet actually means ‘rather ugly’. You can hardly tell such parents that they have brought an admittedly cute, but still very ugly little child into the world.
Furthermore, I am, fortunately, not a liar at all: I am an open book and when I lie you can tell right away.