English Texts

Here you’ll find all English texts together.

BG 76 – Sentence

She didn’t normally shriek, so the other kids, who stood in a circle around her, had never heard that before; but she thought it was about time that the adults in their goody terraced houses behind their freshly mowed little yards on either side of the street realized that they, the youth of today, were still there, so she braced herself and let out the loudest and longest shriek that could technically be produced with human vocal cords, after which she noted with satisfaction that a deafening silence fell over the dull street.

BG 75 – ‘Falling’ down the chimney

This is a true story. It actually happened dozens of times before we had our chimney covered with chicken wire.

Imagine: three jackdaws standing on the edge of the chimney. Their black silhouettes stand out against the clear sky.

Kow, kow! Whoppa! There I go!
Oh shit! Kow, kow, kow! It’s so cramped in here.
Kow! I can barely move my wings.
I’m almost stuck between the bricks.
And who the hell turned out the lights? Kow!
Ouch, who’s throwing a branch on my head. Kow, ouch!
Wait a minute now, it’s my turn! My!
Flapflapperflap. Kow, kow!
Whoops, I slide further down.
My wings rub against the sides.
Flapflapperflapflap. Wooow!
And even further. Oops, ai, kow, kow, kow! Flap, flap.
Pff, bah, all that soot, pff!
Say, who’s tossing that walnut on my head? Kow!

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BG 73 – Still

This is the dialogue I wrote for the Belgian outdoor theater project ‘Het Bankje 2021‘.

– Nice weather today, right?
– (silent)
– I said nice weather today.
– Yes. I heard that.
– And?
– And what?
– Is it nice weather today?
– I just heard so.
– And do you agree?
– No, I don’t agree.
– Why?
– Why what?
– Why don’t you agree?
– Agree with what?
– That the weather is nice today.
– I think it’s cold.
– But it surely isn’t that cold today?
– Yes it is.
– Yesterday was colder.
– A little, yes.
– Today the weather is nice.
– I don’t think so.
– Why?
– It’s too cold for me.
– It’s too cold, you say?

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BG 70 – 100 Words Fiction

Even though that isn’t true

You have said that – oh yes – you would like to camp in a tent in the garden. That you like that, almost under the open sky, with your almost naked body, when it is as warm as it is now. You have said that you – yes of course – want to continue, even though your girlfriend has canceled. You have said that you have no problems with itchy and buzzing bugs and that you can sleep well on such a thin mattress on the uneven ground. And that you fortunately never have to pee at night.

BG 69 – Meeting

Bang! The door unintentionally slammed shut behind them as he released it. From out of the strong wind she had stooped in, under his arm, and before she even had a chance to do it herself, he helped her out of her coat and hung it on the coat rack together with his. With a protective hand against her lower back – his hand felt surprisingly warm through the thin fabric of her T-shirt – he led her inside. She decided that later when they left, she would hold the door open for hím.

A friendly employee guided them to a table for two in a quiet corner at the back of the bistro, where they had a good overview, but also some privacy. They arrived just in time: by now rain was clattering against the nearest window. She laughed when both of them ran their hands through their windswept hair at the same time.

As a matter of course,

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BG 66 – Special Compliment

Special compliment from her gynecologist:
‘Your breasts are in excellent condition …
… for your age.’

BG 65 – Sentence

Makes herself bigger and wider than she actually is, steps so close to the offender that he forgets what personal space means again, finally accepts the glass of beer that she had refused time after time until then, pulls the young man’s half open white shirt under his black leather jacket forward, and pours the contents gracefully over his almost hairless chest, with a most friendly smile followed by a definite ‘I said NO.’

BG 63 – 100 Words Fiction

They pretended to be smugglers

That they were smugglers, she had said, that that was ‘ooh’ exciting! That they had to watch out for customs. He didn’t know who that was, customs. Luckily, she had said that she would come back later to get him. He had believed her. That she had had to take his coat of course, as proof. It was cold. That he could find the way by looking at which side of the tree trunks the moss grew. But it was dark. She would come back to get him. He wasn’t sure he still believed her.

BG 62 – The Angry Wife

On her daily walks through Quiet Belgian Village, The Maakster of course also meets other residents on foot. She wishes them a ‘good morning!’ or ‘have a nice day!’, because that makes the world a little prettier. Some of the residents greet back friendly, but others pretend not to have heard her, or quickly turn their head away. That doesn’t stop The Maakster.

Quiet Belgian Village is a bit of a closed village and many of its residents are used to only associate with people they have known from birth. They feel uncomfortable with newcomers, even the ones that have already lived there for quite some time. Older people sometimes react confused: ‘But … er … I don’t knów you?’,

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BG 59 – Random Questions

May I ask you something? What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Do you sleep on one pillow or on several? Do you install your software yourself, or have someone else do it for you? What would you rather get: a bunch of flowers or a bottle of wine? How much is one plus one? Always? How many hammers do you own? Do you prefer to wear gold or silver? Have you ever lost something valuable?

BG 58 – Writing Competition ‘The Bench’

Hurray, I am one of the 20 winners of the writing competition ‘The Bench’!

With The Bench Creatief Schrijven vzw, OPENDOEK and Kunstwerkt were looking for original dialogues that took place between two people on a bench. We received no fewer than 242 entries. After careful consideration, jury members Pascale Platel and Daan Pleumeekers selected 20 laureates. Their texts will be played by actors and canned as podcasts. Visual artists will make an ‘image’ to accompany it. In the summer they can be heard via a QR code on benches in more than 100 towns [in Belgium].

BG 55 – Chinese Food

On Fridays Marc usually fetches food for them from a Chinese restaurant. On Sundays they eat the leftovers. Because it is only a short time ago on Wednesdays, and is not going to take long either, it sometimes seems like they eat chinese all week long. That is of course not the case. Marc cooks often and delicious!

BG 53 – Special Compliment

Special compliment from a neighbor, admiring something she made:
‘Everything your hands touch turns into gold!
Could you hold this for me?’

BG 50 – Tree House

As a child, building her own tree house seemed like the pinnacle of bliss to her.
It never happened. In the garden of her parental terraced house there was no room for a tree house. And in the trees in ‘The Woods’, a piece of nature with walking paths, a deer camp and a duck pond, around an old country house that they optimistically called ‘the Castle’, she was not allowed to indulge herself with hammer, nails and saw.

But in her mind, she built the most beautiful tree houses, with secret defenses against intruders. Her dream cabin would, even then, be a creative studio with a wonderful view of the ‘wild’ nature, in which she would experience many exciting adventures. She grew up in a time when as a child you could wander around on foot or on your bike wherever you wanted, as long as you were back home in time for dinner.

Today she and her husband live in a house with many rooms, including her study, her crafting materials warehouse and her creative studio. The ideal tree house! Too bad it doesn’t fit in a tree.

BG 48 – Our cats and the back door

Our gray-striped cats, we have two of them, are of course sweet, but they can also be quite annoying, especially when the weather is bad.
They then meow dozens of times a day: ‘hey, will you open the back door for me?’, which makes it difficult for me to concentrate on anything. If I try to ignore their meowing, it gets louder and more compelling: ‘hey human, will you finally open that door for me?’.
When they are indoors, I can temporarily distract them by playing with them. It usually goes like this: I play with a cat toy and they look bored at it. Sometimes they give it a slow tap to end the hassle.
They do this meowing, that starts friendly, but gets more and more demanding, alternately indoors and outdoors. When they are indoors, they want to go out, and when they are outdoors, they want to go in.
When it rains, or the ground is covered in snow, they scream bloody murder to be let indoors. They are only allowed to when I have cleaned their paws with an old towel.
Five minutes later they have already forgotten that it was wet and cold outside and the hassle starts all over again: ‘Will you open the door? Meow? Meeoow? Meeeeeeeoooow!’
Did I mention we have two of them? They take turns.

BG 45 – A thriller in 33 words

Fortunately, the footsteps behind her in the dark had stopped. She exhaled with relief. Two more blocks before she was home. Suddenly strong hands closed around her neck. She saw a stockinged foot.

BG 44 – Falling

During her daily walk through Quiet Belgian Village, the residents today seem to fall spontaneously as soon as they see The Maakster. That could of course be coincidental. It hasn’t frozen, on the contrary, it is actually quite warm for this time of year, but last night’s rain has made the remaining rotting leaves on the street slippery.

Halfway through her route, between the sports fields on one side and the mountain bike terrain on the other, The Maakster sees an elderly man with his dog in the distance. The man suddenly swings both his arms through the air and then falls slap on his behind. The dog, a blond labrador, looks at him in surprise. When she passes him a moment later and asks how he is doing – the man, not his dog –

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BG 42 – Mathematics Dent

She’s got a math dent. In fact, she’s got a dent for all science subjects. This is why. She has a brother who is a year and a half older and who has a math bump, or rather a bump for all science subjects. He studied physics with a specialization in astronomy. So, when she was born, there was nothing left, just that dent.

(A math bump, or wiskundeknobbel, is an actual word in Dutch. I made up the math dent.)

BG 41 – Random Questions

May I ask you something? What was the year 2020 like for you (the year with the Covid19 pandemic)? What was the worst moment for you? And what the best? What did you find less important in the past year? And what has become more important to you? Do you think you will do things differently in the future? If yes, what? What are your wishes for 2021? And what are your plans?

BG 39 – Turning Point Tradition

At the end of the year, you often sit together with the people that are dear to you (in the same room, or via an online connection).
Make your get-together this year and the coming years special by starting a new tradition: the end-of-year Turning Point Tradition.
How does that work?
Everyone takes three turns to speak.
1. In the first round, you share those things that were the most negative for you personally in the past year.
2. In the second round, you leave the negative behind and share those things that have been the most positive for you personally in the past year.
3. Finally, in the third round, you share your wishes and plans for the coming year.
Of course you don’t have to share everything if you prefer not to.
The Turning Point Tradition is not an obligation, but a loving invitation.

BG 37 – Online Shopping

E-mail 1:
Internet Shop here. Thank you for having placed an order with us a minute ago.
If you suffer from forgetfulness: this is what you just ordered.

E-mail 2:
Thank you for your order. We will deliver it as soon as possible (even though you have said that you are not in a hurry and that, from an environmental point of view, you would prefer us to take a little longer).
If you suffer from forgetfulness: this is what you just ordered.

E-mail 3:

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BG 36 – Wait a minute

Our life is very different from that of our ancestors.
Long live progress!
But since the introduction of automation, we have been exaggerating.
We confuse progress with consuming ever more and ever faster, and have lost sight of the limits of our physical and mental health, of the resilience of our environment and the exhaustion of our natural resources.

We are living faster than ever before

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BG 32 – Dutch Directness

‘Hi, how are you? Where are you from?’
‘Do you have a boyfriend? No? A girlfriend?’
‘How old are you?’
‘Where do you live? Oh yes, that’s nice. I’d love to live there too.’
‘So, how much rent do you pay?’
‘Are you here on holiday? How long will you stay?’
‘Why are you friends with him?’
‘You’re late.’
‘You look great! Better than when I met you last week.’
‘Have you put on weight?’

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BG 31 – Random Questions

May I ask you something? Do you like pop music? Do you play a musical instrument? Do you have children? If not, do you want children? Can you jump high? Do you know the Pythagorean theorem? Do you ever use more than one question mark? Do you think that adds something? Are you a chilly person?

BG 29 – Mona

Daddy daddy daddy
daddy daddy!
Yes, sweetheart?
I’m going to fly daddy daddy.
Good.

She takes off and jumps high
with a big turn, look at her fly

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BG 28 – Sentence

Sometimes she wished she had considered other career options earlier, such as deep-sea explorer or archaeologist or ice sculptor, even though she could hold her breath for less than a minute underwater, she had to sneeze from dust and the blood would withdraw from her fingertips as soon as she took a tub of butter from the fridge.

BG 27 – Books

I love books.
For as long as I can read, I have loved all kinds of books: fiction and non-fiction, novels, short stories, poetry, books in every genre, on every subject.

The public library in the town hall was one of my favorite places in my youth, with its hollow silence, disrupted by hesitant piano notes from the music school above it, and its typical dusty smell of books.

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BG 25 – Upside-Down Bucket List

We all want to have things that we don’t have yet
and do things that we haven’t done yet.
Sometimes we become dissatisfied if we cannot fulfill those wishes immediately.
Now imagine that you are simply satisfied instead.
Satisfied with what you have and satisfied with what you have done.
Perhaps not just satisfied, but even proud and happy.
Imagine: the Upside-Down Bucket List.

Forget that ambitious Bucket List,

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BG 24 – Random Questions

May I ask you something? Do you like fish? Have you ever fished? Would you rather live by the sea or in the mountains? Are you currently wearing socks? Do you have long or short hair? Do you have curls? Do you like black and white photos better than colors? Are you color blind? Have you ever baked pancakes?