directions

Suppose I could be that young woman again, almost grown-up, who, in hindsight, stood at an important turning point in her life, and I could have chosen a completely different direction, taken a completely different path? And if I had actually taken that other path back then, as I wish today that I had done, would I have been the same person? What if I dit not choose the direction that I now feel would have been the fulfillment of my desires, because apparently those were not the desires of my young self? Otherwise, I would have after all chosen that direction at the time? At least, if I had been able to, if I had had the right possibilities. But I didn’t have them, so the choice was not there. If I had had them and had made that choice, then I would have been a completely different person by then, a young woman who, despite everything, had made that choice. And then I would have been a different person now, more than forty years later. But do you ever really become a different person? And what if I had indeed made the choices then, despite obstacles and setbacks, that I now wish I had made, so that I could have become then what my current desires would have wanted me to be? Then I would have taken different paths, and by definition would not have had those current desires, because I would have followed a completely different way and would not have become who I am now. In short: I would not have been able to fulfill those desires at that time if I simply did not have them. After all, isn’t every path in life that I find myself on the right path, the path I am supposed to be moving on now? The possibilities have shrunk with the years and the decline, but there are always different paths to take. And only in the here and now, with my experiences, insights and desires of today, can I make the best choices for my current self.